3/8/09
Where’s ‘MY MISSY ? The Search CONTINUES
Hey folks ! I’ve mentioned Missy (or Melissa) previously in a message some time ago & also in last week’s message (without naming names) & NOW it is time to become more direct & straightforward.
I knew MISSY during high school & we had a romantic relationship for a while which was interrupted & essentially terminated for the last 24 years when I got caught by her mom with Missy in Missy’s downstairs bedroom late at night back during the 1984-95 school year. Actually I got caught UNDER Missy’s bed by Missy’s mom who apparently heard us come in or heard us whispering in the bedroom below them.
To this day, I can’t figure out why I listened to Missy encouraging me to “come in” that dark night after we sat by the train tracks near their home on Grand River Drive in Ada, Michigan. It was a foolish thing to do.
Up until that time our relationship had been great & I respected her & we had intimate moments but there were limits that we both respected. I meant to sustain those limits knowing it would be even more foolhardy to go beyond those limits at such a young age.
And I believed in retrospect that had we not been caught by Missy’s mom those limits STILL would have been maintained. I respected Missy too much to go beyond those limits & I knew she respected me too.
Given such, what MISSY’s mom discovered was actually nothing more than TWO COVENANT KIDS being mischievous down below Missy’s mom & dad (whom I never met).
Nonetheless, Missy’s mom must have imagined the WORST and probably only assumed one possible outcome—that her little Missy would become pregnant. Thus, as Missy’s mom walked down the stairs apparently already positive that there was a “guy” down below with her little missy I am sure this “guy” loomed like a big bad boy in her mind.
Missy apparently heard her coming and whispered to me “Get under the bed !” I frantically fell off the bed and rolled underneath. Missy tried to quickly smooth the blankets out & then suddenly the lights came on & I could see the feet of Missy’s mom. Missy weakly said, “Hi mom, what’s the matter?” I remember every single moment as if it happened yesterday. My heart was beating so loud it probably led Missy’s mom right to me.
Suddenly, the face of Missy’s mom appeared, & she stared directly into my eyes with a GLARE that could have killed me. “GET UP !” she ordered. And then “GET OUT !” There was NO UNCERTAINTY nor any equivocation on the part of Missy’s mom.
In retrospect I wish Missy’s mom could have LAUGHED or fake laughed about it & been a little nicer & politely but firmly conversed with us about why it was FOOLISH for us to be in bed together as mere seniors in high school.
In retrospect, I wish Missy’s mom could have taken a moment to PRAY with us while also counseling us as to why we were TOO YOUNG to be in bed together & as Christian kids from the Christian school should be a little wiser.
In retrospect I wish I could have told Missy’s mom that Missy & I RESPECTED each other & that we had already established “limits” in our intimacy while also acknowledging that it was STUPID for us to be in bed together at her parent’s home that night.
But NONE of that happened & I did what any 17 or 18 year old high school kid would do. I grabbed my jacket and RAN out the door, without looking back.
And I was SO ASHAMED & embarrassed about that moment being that I was a “Christian” kid from “Christian High” & being that I was a “preacher’s kid” & supposed to be good & smart & go on to a good college that I NEVER MENTIONED this MOMENT to anybody, not even my closest friends.
Furthermore, my relationship with Missy ended for the time being. It was as if suddenly the trauma of the moment prevented me from even being able to talk with Missy again, for the time being.
Time went by. I didn’t see Missy much at school if at all. We didn’t have any of the same classes. And my parents were living in California by that time so during the holidays I went back out to the west coast.
Then, that summer—the summer of ’85 after I had just graduated from high school I was working at Knotts Berry Farm & suddenly Missy appeared ! But she was with her mom & her sister. First they had driven to Salt Lake City for a music festival, and then they decided to drive to California—just to see me ? I don’t know . I hope not. Because I STILL could not talk to Missy and especially NOT to Missy’s mom. Somehow they found me at Knotts Berry Farm but the moment was brief—and it was NOT a moment of reconciliation, that was for sure.
So time continued to go by & I went to Calvin College & Missy went somewhere else (I’m not sure, maybe Western Michigan ?) She was musically gifted as I recall, but I don’t know if she kept pursuing music.
Time went by quickly & I graduated from Calvin College for the first time in 1989 with a BA in psychology. I still hadn’t seen Missy nor reconciled with her mom. I worked at Pine Rest for a year as a mental health worker. Then I went to law school at Wayne State University. I became depressed before the first semester ended & realized the study of law was NOT for me & left Wayne State.
I passed thru Grand Rapids & talked to a few friends, including Doug Kosters & then I headed west to California. A month later I got a call informing me that Doug Kosters had commit suicide. I flew back for the funeral & then returned to California.
I didn’t do too much for the next few weeks until suddenly there was an earthquake in Costa Rica & I volunteered to do disaster relief. I flew to Costa Rica & worked with some fellows from the Christian Reformed Church (CRC) to help the earthquake victims. Then lo & behold a fellow offered me a job teaching his kids down in the rainforest where he owned a tourist camp. So I taught his two kids in a tiny little schoolroom he build for them until the end of that summer—the summer of ’91.
Returning to the STATES I planned to go to seminary at Calvin & drove back there—STILL in all this time to make a long story short I had not seen or heard from Missy & I believe God kept her out of my mind for the time being so I would not fret. I had various other relationships, mostly brief, which came to NO long-lasting fruition.
And then I did a summer mission in the Philippines (’92) and switched from Calvin Seminary back to the college for a second bachelors degree. I decided to try teaching instead—thinking I could be a “missionary teacher”, maybe in China—like my friend Audrey van oen did.
Two years back at Calvin from ’92-94 & I believe it was during this period that my friend Jack suddenly told me that Missy wanted to see me. I had NO IDEA that she was even around Grand Rapids anymore nor what she was doing.
She apparently was working at a clothes store at Woodland Mall & so Jack & I drove there and went to a nearby restaurant as she was leaving work.
In retrospect, I realize that GOD had put a veil over my eyes & maybe my heart for the time being. In fact I don’t think I really knew WHICH WAY WAS UP at the time I met with Jack & Missy. I was just focused on getting this education finished & moving on.
So we sat down to eat & Missy says some things about getting married. Apparently she was engaged or close to being engaged to some fellow but the GIST of the conversation was that she was NOT exactly sure if this fellow was the right fellow. In retrospect I realize that is EXACTLY what she was saying to me & wanted to see if I had any feelings for her.
And I DID have feelings for her, but they were BURIED DEEP DOWN somewhere in a part of me that I had almost lost ! And I couldn’t get those feelings to come up and reveal themselves at the moment. Maybe it was God saying “It’s still too soon.” Maybe it was just me .
We did NOT stay at that restaurant for very long. I don’t remember saying much of anything, if anything. Jack was there, although he excused himself a few times, but Jack had not given me any premonition of what to expect. In fact, I don’t even know if Missy had told Jack about the bedroom incident. If she had, Jack kept a poker face about it & never mentioned anything.
And that was it, nothing more for the moment. We all walked out. Missy went her way. Maybe I had driven alone & Jack had met me there in his car. I can’t even remember. I can’t remember what I felt at the moment, if anything. In fact I wonder if I was able to even feel anything during those years.
I got my teaching degree—and left Grand Rapids and spent a summer in Jackson Wyoming & was about to go to Hungary when I got a call from Jim Zoetewey (now the late Jim Zoetewey) telling me there was a teaching job available at the school he was teaching at in Coachella valley. I had never been there before. I really wanted to be a “missionary teacher” but at the same time I was stuck with student loan debt which would be nice to get off my back by teaching for a few years at a decent paying job in the states. So I accepted a job there and taught for two years.
Then I returned to Grand Rapids and this time I stuck with my conviction to go to seminary. I did a year at Calvin Seminary and then several more at Fuller Seminary back out in Pasadena (CA).
By that time I was starting to slowly WAKE UP , and was more aware of what was happening around me. I knew Missy was married by that time—simply by checking the high school directory. I noticed she was living in Muskegon & as I was starting my ministry I started to send out Bibles & little inspirational gifts—NOT only to Missy but to a lot of people I knew somewhere along the way as well as people I did not know. It was part of doing ministry and reaching out to people.
Then most recently as some of you might know from the message a few weeks ago, my good ol’ friend Rick Byle died & I responded with condolences & posted a few words on the online obituary section in the Grand Rapids Press.
In the process I noticed Rick’s girlfriend, Liz, from the time I lived with Rick for a semester had also posted her condolences & suddenly I connected with her by email! Liz is one of the few people who knew about me being CAUGHT by MISSY’s MOM in MISSY’s BEDROOM & we discussed it by e-mail. She was very gracious about it & did not condemn me. She was accepting of me & had fond memories of me, as best as I could tell.
And suddenly a part of me that I had forgotten was awoken. Liz also knew Missy from around the time we were in a relationship & we had “double dated” a few times & so I ASKED LIZ, “How is Missy ? I miss her so much !” Liz responded very congenially and was suddenly the NICEST person in the world to me. It felt so good.
Liz told me that she thinks “my Missy” had gotten divorced after discovering her husband had been unfaithful to her. Liz did NOT know much more than that but suddenly my mind was racing !
First, I felt sympathy for Missy because once she got married I respected her vow & commitment & all I ever did was send Christian material reminding her of my presence & my faith (which was her faith as well) and hoped it helped her.
Second, I thought is this the time to TALK to Missy—finally after all these years now that I got my head together so to speak ?!
I wondered where she was but LIZ did not know for sure. I found a po box online and tried sending her a card but it was returned as “wrong address.” I sent a letter to Missy’s mom, Connie, but she did not respond.
I asked Liz who knows a lot of people if she could in ANY WAY help to locate Missy. And she said she would try to help. We kept e-mailing each other and updating each other about our lives. Liz was now married and had two kids & a lot of the Christian school kids I knew from growing up were also married with kids in her same neighborhood with kids at the same school. It was FUN reminiscing.
But so far as of March 14, 2009 I still do NOT know where “MY MISSY” is, nor if I do find her whether she has any feelings for me left in her heart. I HOPE SO. But if not, I will respect her if she tells me frankly, “NO, I don’t care about you anymore.” I just need to hear it one way or another, & hope for the best.
I really truly care for Missy & want to see her and talk to her and look in her eyes, but so far I haven’t found her & I am not able to call her mom. There’s that “MENTAL BLOCK” popping up again. Her mom represents danger to me, even though I should know & understand that she was doing what she thought was best for Missy that night when she said “Get up, get out! “
I don’t know if I can ever call her on the phone and talk with Missy’s mom & I know nothing about her dad. I asked Liz to call and & she said she tried once but no answer. Then Liz said she contacted a friend who said she would start looking once spring break began around April 3. It seems so far away, when Missy could be SO CLOSE. Will I ever see Missy again and be able to look in her eyes and feel her heartbeat ? I hope & pray so. Only God knows for sure.
Am I being foolish again, acting like I’m still in high school, motivated by emotions & hormones alone ? I don’t think so. I think there was something DEEPER to our relationship. God only knows for sure.
But somebody knows, in addition to God, where MISSY is right now & will I ever find out myself ? Once again, God only knows. I can only wait & hope & pray.
Liz has been so helpful to me & I am eternally grateful to her. God bless her.
The MISSY SEARCH continues… stay tuned to find out what happens, if anything. Or, if any of you can help, write “contact me” in the subject line & we can go from there.
GOD BE WITH YOU ALL
JOHN PHILIP A. vander KOK
CHRISTIAN EVANGELIST
INFREQUENTLY UPDATED (mostly for historical purposes): This is ALL about the CHRISTIAN FAITH, with daily news & other items mixed in ! We cannot ignore what's happening in the world around us:the good, the bad, & the ugly, but we CAN try to respond to it thru the LENS of FAITH ! I keep running the race of faith in the name of the Father-Son-&-Holy-Spirit ! Join me
Monday, March 30, 2009
IN MEMORY of RICK BYLE (1967-Feb,2009)
+Jack+Rick+Cottage+Lake+Michigan+College.jpg)
ME, RICK BYLE, & Doug Kosters, Spring Break, Florida
Here's RICK & Steve Korhorn on the Beach in Florida
MY LETTER TO MISSY by vanderKOK
Dear Melissa, March 26, 2009
Hello, how are you, the person I always cared for & still do?
I. re RECENT EVENTS :
Missy, I am writing to you now, the FIRST MOMENT possible since finding out where you potentially may be. I have been trying to write to you, or send a card to you, or stay in touch with you by mail over the years thinking you have been married all this time. In fact, the few times that I managed to drive through Michigan over the past few years I also tried to drive past your house in Muskegon, or at least wherever I thought you might live. I even dropped a Bible in your mailbox one time may years ago as I was starting my ministry. I hope you UNDERSTAND why I have TRIED to keep in touch. I have ALWAYS CARED about you & for you.
When we met WAY BACK in high school 25 YEARS AGO I immediately liked you & we immediately had a mutual attraction to each other, at least I thought so. We were YOUNG & we were enjoying each other’s company SO MUCH. I remember SO MANY GOOD TIMES with you: At the beach, in the car, double dating, out-and-about, with other friends too. We had the BEST OF TIMES !
1. LOSS OF A FRIEND: Rick Byle
Do you remember some of the friends we had ? How about Rick Byle ? Well, unfortunately, I regret to inform you (if you have not recently heard) that Rick died in a snowmobile accident just last month (Feb, 2009). In fact, it was because of Rick’s death that I noticed a few entries on his online obituary in the Grand Rapids Press & one of them was from LDM. Do you remember her ?
2. CONNECTING with LDM & ASKING HOW IS MISSY
Well, I exchanged a few emails with LDM and the FIRST THING I asked her even before we talked about Rick Byle was HOW IS MISSY ?! And after Rick’s funeral in Michigan (which I was NOT able to attend because I’m still in California & it just was not possible to go there) LDM responded to me and said she “thought” she heard you were divorced. I COULDN’T BELIEVE it. LDM did NOT know any more details than that—and didn’t even know for sure where you are now.
For the past few month I kept ASKING LDM by e-mail if she knew WHERE YOU ARE and she said she would try to find out but the only number she knew turned out to be your grandmother who gave her a phone number to try that was disconnected. Then LDM tried calling Amy & Amy said she would try to find out but as of March 24 I still did NOT have any better idea.
So I finally asked somebody I knew who knows how to locate people to try to FIND YOU FOR ME and this person said that she THOUGHT you MIGHT be living in Ohio with your sister Cindy. And this person gave me a few POSSIBLE addresses where I might be able to reach you.
II WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT for me to REACH YOU
Missy, remember back to our HIGH SCHOOL DAYS & the GOOD TIMES we had together. Do you remember HOW MUCH FUN we had—the laughter & the conversation & the affection we had for each other ? I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS FONDLY & I always remembered you fondly. We had a GREAT RELATIONSHIP up until that ONE FATEFUL NIGHT when I drove you home from a night out—and after sitting in the car for a while I drove up the driveway and one thing led to another and I was going into your house, down the stairs, & into the bedroom with you. DO YOU REMEMBER ? Of course you do ! Who could forget that FATEFUL MOMENT ?
Before re-telling what happened next let me TELL YOU HOW MUCH I RESPECTED YOU and what it meant for me to be with you. You know as well as I know that we had some intimate moments but we NEVER WENT TOO FAR and I believe both of us respected those limits knowing we were TOO YOUNG at the time to go too far. And even being in your bedroom I would have RESPECTED those limits & I KNEW, intuitively, that you did too.
This is WHY I now look back on that MOMENT as a SPIRITUAL MOMENT—somehow arranged by GOD that neither of us understood at the time as such, and maybe still NOT FULLY to this day, but I am becoming convinced of it, more & more, all the time. I’m sure you are familiar with Romeo & Juliet---and thankfully we are, or were, NOT as tragic as them, and thankfully you are STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times. Likewise, I am STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times.
Today, I can now speak of “THE NIGHT” but immediately after that particular evening I was very embarrassed all the more so because of the way your mother seemed to think I was a bad person (or so I thought). And I NEVER TOLD anybody about that night, until recently. Actually, I asked LDM if she knew what happened and I was surprised when she immediately remembered. And we did NOT speak the rest of that school year—perhaps you were embarrassed too, & then after high school I returned to California.
I remember being SO SURPRISED when you suddenly showed up at KNOTTS BERRY FARM with your mom & your sister (Cindy ?) and I was STILL TOO EMBARRASSED to talk with you, at least with your mom being there, & I am SORRY that I did not do so at the time. I TRULY did NOT know how to respond to, or resolve, the events that took place that night & so I just went SILENT, so to speak, & tried to DISTANCE MYSELF NOT from you but from that particular night.
And then I went to college, not just Calvin College, but a few semesters at other colleges, including Hawaii & Spain, & I also did some short-term mission work including Costa Rica & Philippines, & eventually ended up back Grand Rapids for more education at Calvin College from 1992 to 1994. At that point I had NO IDEA where you were & figured you had FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME.
III. AT the RESTAURANT by WOODLAND MALL
And so I was TAKEN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE when suddenly JACK HOLWERDA came to me and told me you wanted to MEET WITH ME. I was so excited to see you again, but he didn’t give me any idea what it was about, NOR did he inform you that MY MIND by that time was FAR AWAY from Grand Rapids & ready to get out of there again. I had NO REAL EMOTIONAL support in Grand Rapids anymore and was looking forward to completing my teaching degree & possibly going off to another country again.
WHEN I MET WITH YOU sometime in 1994 (??) I believe you were about ready to get married but you came to me with UTMOST SINCERITY I REALIZE NOW IN RETROSPECT and you were TRYING TO TELL ME that you STILL cared about me. And MISSY, PLEASE BELIEVE that I STILL CARED about you & always did, but at the time I was EMOTIONALLY FLAT & was NO LONGER in touch with my feelings toward you or anybody else. I had been through a few things myself at the time. Also, it would have BEEN BETTER if Jack had left us alone for a while.
And so it has been FIFTEEN YEARS since we had that very brief get together with Jack listening in and after leaving our little get together at the restaurant by Woodland Mall I finished my second bachelor’s degree & got my teaching degree & taught school for a few years here in California & YOU apparently went ahead and got married.
IV. TRAVELING WITH LOLA MY GOLDEN
FOR FOURTEEN YEARS
After TEACHING I left education & decided to go back for MY MASTERS-in-DIVINITY and ended up back in Grand Rapids for another year (1996-97), this time at Calvin Seminary, and then the next four or five years I spent at FULLER SEMINARY in Pasadena, California and have stayed around Southern California ever since then, while also traveling on a regular basis, especially with LOLA MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER for fourteen years until June of 2007 when she passed away.
V. DOING CHRISTIAN EVANGELISM,
& INSPIRATIONAL FILM
Also, while going through Fuller Seminary I started my own ministry, Mustard Seed Ministries & did a lot of traveling & street evangelism as well as FILMING & creating (or trying to) inspirational films and that is what I continue to do at the moment while also helping occasionally in public education.
VI MY RELATIONSHIPS & MY CURRENT STATUS
I’ve had a few relationships over the years, mostly brief & ending due to various circumstances, most of which had to do with logistics or unexpected circumstances but I REALIZE NOW that actually there was something either PSYCHOLOGICAL or SPIRITUAL happening that prevented me from maintaining meaningful relationships with any of these girls or starting new ones because I had NOT PROPERLY RESOLVED my relationship with YOU ! Our relationship had suddenly terminated under somewhat traumatic circumstances & it was NEVER PROPERLY RESOLVED and discussed, nor truly had the chance to resume under proper circumstances.
VII IS THIS THE TIME to MEET or CHAT & BE RECONCILED ?
And NOW IS OUR CHANCE to at least TALK with each other and FOR ME to do the right thing and address what happened & to be a gentleman & stand up for you, & to do what is right & be a good, Christian person as well as loving, human person. And I still have FEELINGS for you, & CARE for you, & ALWAYS DID ! Can we FINALLY MEET TOGETHER without any distractions? Or at least chat by e-mail at first ?
There are NO EXPECTATIONS . I have NO IDEA how you are feeling & doing EMOTIONALLY or SPIRITUALLY . All I heard is that you might have gotten divorced, but nobody really seems to know anything else or even if that is true. BELIEVE ME I am not judgmental & believe that whatever might have happened it certainly happened for a reason. Sometimes things change for a reason. You may feel hurt, you may feel relieved, you may feel free. You may feel confused. You may feel again or young again, or you may feel old. If you had children with this man maybe you have some feelings in regard to the children.
I DO NOT know how you are feeling or even if you have another relationship with somebody. ALL I KNOW is that I want to get together with you or at least, at first, chat by email or otherwise. DO YOU USE E-MAIL ? If so can you e-mail me at vanderKOK@GMAIL.com ? Or can you call me at 323-316-0244 ?
It is NOW MARCH of 2009 almost APRIL . Will we EVER SEE EACHOTHER or TALK to EACHOTHER again ? I HOPE SO. I PRAY SO. Please, MISSY, now is the time. I am HERE !
YOUR TRUE FRIEND FOREVER
(John) Philip A. (vander) KOK
Missy, I often go by “John” now and have also added “vander” to my name because of the culture here in Los Angeles.
Hello, how are you, the person I always cared for & still do?
I. re RECENT EVENTS :
Missy, I am writing to you now, the FIRST MOMENT possible since finding out where you potentially may be. I have been trying to write to you, or send a card to you, or stay in touch with you by mail over the years thinking you have been married all this time. In fact, the few times that I managed to drive through Michigan over the past few years I also tried to drive past your house in Muskegon, or at least wherever I thought you might live. I even dropped a Bible in your mailbox one time may years ago as I was starting my ministry. I hope you UNDERSTAND why I have TRIED to keep in touch. I have ALWAYS CARED about you & for you.
When we met WAY BACK in high school 25 YEARS AGO I immediately liked you & we immediately had a mutual attraction to each other, at least I thought so. We were YOUNG & we were enjoying each other’s company SO MUCH. I remember SO MANY GOOD TIMES with you: At the beach, in the car, double dating, out-and-about, with other friends too. We had the BEST OF TIMES !
1. LOSS OF A FRIEND: Rick Byle
Do you remember some of the friends we had ? How about Rick Byle ? Well, unfortunately, I regret to inform you (if you have not recently heard) that Rick died in a snowmobile accident just last month (Feb, 2009). In fact, it was because of Rick’s death that I noticed a few entries on his online obituary in the Grand Rapids Press & one of them was from LDM. Do you remember her ?
2. CONNECTING with LDM & ASKING HOW IS MISSY
Well, I exchanged a few emails with LDM and the FIRST THING I asked her even before we talked about Rick Byle was HOW IS MISSY ?! And after Rick’s funeral in Michigan (which I was NOT able to attend because I’m still in California & it just was not possible to go there) LDM responded to me and said she “thought” she heard you were divorced. I COULDN’T BELIEVE it. LDM did NOT know any more details than that—and didn’t even know for sure where you are now.
For the past few month I kept ASKING LDM by e-mail if she knew WHERE YOU ARE and she said she would try to find out but the only number she knew turned out to be your grandmother who gave her a phone number to try that was disconnected. Then LDM tried calling Amy & Amy said she would try to find out but as of March 24 I still did NOT have any better idea.
So I finally asked somebody I knew who knows how to locate people to try to FIND YOU FOR ME and this person said that she THOUGHT you MIGHT be living in Ohio with your sister Cindy. And this person gave me a few POSSIBLE addresses where I might be able to reach you.
II WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT for me to REACH YOU
Missy, remember back to our HIGH SCHOOL DAYS & the GOOD TIMES we had together. Do you remember HOW MUCH FUN we had—the laughter & the conversation & the affection we had for each other ? I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS FONDLY & I always remembered you fondly. We had a GREAT RELATIONSHIP up until that ONE FATEFUL NIGHT when I drove you home from a night out—and after sitting in the car for a while I drove up the driveway and one thing led to another and I was going into your house, down the stairs, & into the bedroom with you. DO YOU REMEMBER ? Of course you do ! Who could forget that FATEFUL MOMENT ?
Before re-telling what happened next let me TELL YOU HOW MUCH I RESPECTED YOU and what it meant for me to be with you. You know as well as I know that we had some intimate moments but we NEVER WENT TOO FAR and I believe both of us respected those limits knowing we were TOO YOUNG at the time to go too far. And even being in your bedroom I would have RESPECTED those limits & I KNEW, intuitively, that you did too.
This is WHY I now look back on that MOMENT as a SPIRITUAL MOMENT—somehow arranged by GOD that neither of us understood at the time as such, and maybe still NOT FULLY to this day, but I am becoming convinced of it, more & more, all the time. I’m sure you are familiar with Romeo & Juliet---and thankfully we are, or were, NOT as tragic as them, and thankfully you are STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times. Likewise, I am STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times.
Today, I can now speak of “THE NIGHT” but immediately after that particular evening I was very embarrassed all the more so because of the way your mother seemed to think I was a bad person (or so I thought). And I NEVER TOLD anybody about that night, until recently. Actually, I asked LDM if she knew what happened and I was surprised when she immediately remembered. And we did NOT speak the rest of that school year—perhaps you were embarrassed too, & then after high school I returned to California.
I remember being SO SURPRISED when you suddenly showed up at KNOTTS BERRY FARM with your mom & your sister (Cindy ?) and I was STILL TOO EMBARRASSED to talk with you, at least with your mom being there, & I am SORRY that I did not do so at the time. I TRULY did NOT know how to respond to, or resolve, the events that took place that night & so I just went SILENT, so to speak, & tried to DISTANCE MYSELF NOT from you but from that particular night.
And then I went to college, not just Calvin College, but a few semesters at other colleges, including Hawaii & Spain, & I also did some short-term mission work including Costa Rica & Philippines, & eventually ended up back Grand Rapids for more education at Calvin College from 1992 to 1994. At that point I had NO IDEA where you were & figured you had FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME.
III. AT the RESTAURANT by WOODLAND MALL
And so I was TAKEN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE when suddenly JACK HOLWERDA came to me and told me you wanted to MEET WITH ME. I was so excited to see you again, but he didn’t give me any idea what it was about, NOR did he inform you that MY MIND by that time was FAR AWAY from Grand Rapids & ready to get out of there again. I had NO REAL EMOTIONAL support in Grand Rapids anymore and was looking forward to completing my teaching degree & possibly going off to another country again.
WHEN I MET WITH YOU sometime in 1994 (??) I believe you were about ready to get married but you came to me with UTMOST SINCERITY I REALIZE NOW IN RETROSPECT and you were TRYING TO TELL ME that you STILL cared about me. And MISSY, PLEASE BELIEVE that I STILL CARED about you & always did, but at the time I was EMOTIONALLY FLAT & was NO LONGER in touch with my feelings toward you or anybody else. I had been through a few things myself at the time. Also, it would have BEEN BETTER if Jack had left us alone for a while.
And so it has been FIFTEEN YEARS since we had that very brief get together with Jack listening in and after leaving our little get together at the restaurant by Woodland Mall I finished my second bachelor’s degree & got my teaching degree & taught school for a few years here in California & YOU apparently went ahead and got married.
IV. TRAVELING WITH LOLA MY GOLDEN
FOR FOURTEEN YEARS
After TEACHING I left education & decided to go back for MY MASTERS-in-DIVINITY and ended up back in Grand Rapids for another year (1996-97), this time at Calvin Seminary, and then the next four or five years I spent at FULLER SEMINARY in Pasadena, California and have stayed around Southern California ever since then, while also traveling on a regular basis, especially with LOLA MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER for fourteen years until June of 2007 when she passed away.
V. DOING CHRISTIAN EVANGELISM,
& INSPIRATIONAL FILM
Also, while going through Fuller Seminary I started my own ministry, Mustard Seed Ministries & did a lot of traveling & street evangelism as well as FILMING & creating (or trying to) inspirational films and that is what I continue to do at the moment while also helping occasionally in public education.
VI MY RELATIONSHIPS & MY CURRENT STATUS
I’ve had a few relationships over the years, mostly brief & ending due to various circumstances, most of which had to do with logistics or unexpected circumstances but I REALIZE NOW that actually there was something either PSYCHOLOGICAL or SPIRITUAL happening that prevented me from maintaining meaningful relationships with any of these girls or starting new ones because I had NOT PROPERLY RESOLVED my relationship with YOU ! Our relationship had suddenly terminated under somewhat traumatic circumstances & it was NEVER PROPERLY RESOLVED and discussed, nor truly had the chance to resume under proper circumstances.
VII IS THIS THE TIME to MEET or CHAT & BE RECONCILED ?
And NOW IS OUR CHANCE to at least TALK with each other and FOR ME to do the right thing and address what happened & to be a gentleman & stand up for you, & to do what is right & be a good, Christian person as well as loving, human person. And I still have FEELINGS for you, & CARE for you, & ALWAYS DID ! Can we FINALLY MEET TOGETHER without any distractions? Or at least chat by e-mail at first ?
There are NO EXPECTATIONS . I have NO IDEA how you are feeling & doing EMOTIONALLY or SPIRITUALLY . All I heard is that you might have gotten divorced, but nobody really seems to know anything else or even if that is true. BELIEVE ME I am not judgmental & believe that whatever might have happened it certainly happened for a reason. Sometimes things change for a reason. You may feel hurt, you may feel relieved, you may feel free. You may feel confused. You may feel again or young again, or you may feel old. If you had children with this man maybe you have some feelings in regard to the children.
I DO NOT know how you are feeling or even if you have another relationship with somebody. ALL I KNOW is that I want to get together with you or at least, at first, chat by email or otherwise. DO YOU USE E-MAIL ? If so can you e-mail me at vanderKOK@GMAIL.com ? Or can you call me at 323-316-0244 ?
It is NOW MARCH of 2009 almost APRIL . Will we EVER SEE EACHOTHER or TALK to EACHOTHER again ? I HOPE SO. I PRAY SO. Please, MISSY, now is the time. I am HERE !
YOUR TRUE FRIEND FOREVER
(John) Philip A. (vander) KOK
Missy, I often go by “John” now and have also added “vander” to my name because of the culture here in Los Angeles.
MY LETTER TO MISSY by vanderKOK
Dear Melissa, March 26, 2009
Hello, how are you, the person I always cared for & still do?
I. re RECENT EVENTS :
Missy, I am writing to you now, the FIRST MOMENT possible since finding out where you potentially may be. I have been trying to write to you, or send a card to you, or stay in touch with you by mail over the years thinking you have been married all this time. In fact, the few times that I managed to drive through Michigan over the past few years I also tried to drive past your house in Muskegon, or at least wherever I thought you might live. I even dropped a Bible in your mailbox one time may years ago as I was starting my ministry. I hope you UNDERSTAND why I have TRIED to keep in touch. I have ALWAYS CARED about you & for you.
When we met WAY BACK in high school 25 YEARS AGO I immediately liked you & we immediately had a mutual attraction to each other, at least I thought so. We were YOUNG & we were enjoying each other’s company SO MUCH. I remember SO MANY GOOD TIMES with you: At the beach, in the car, double dating, out-and-about, with other friends too. We had the BEST OF TIMES !
1. LOSS OF A FRIEND: Rick Byle
Do you remember some of the friends we had ? How about Rick Byle ? Well, unfortunately, I regret to inform you (if you have not recently heard) that Rick died in a snowmobile accident just last month (Feb, 2009). In fact, it was because of Rick’s death that I noticed a few entries on his online obituary in the Grand Rapids Press & one of them was from LDM. Do you remember her ?
2. CONNECTING with LDM & ASKING HOW IS MISSY
Well, I exchanged a few emails with LDM and the FIRST THING I asked her even before we talked about Rick Byle was HOW IS MISSY ?! And after Rick’s funeral in Michigan (which I was NOT able to attend because I’m still in California & it just was not possible to go there) LDM responded to me and said she “thought” she heard you were divorced. I COULDN’T BELIEVE it. LDM did NOT know any more details than that—and didn’t even know for sure where you are now.
For the past few month I kept ASKING LDM by e-mail if she knew WHERE YOU ARE and she said she would try to find out but the only number she knew turned out to be your grandmother who gave her a phone number to try that was disconnected. Then LDM tried calling Amy & Amy said she would try to find out but as of March 24 I still did NOT have any better idea.
So I finally asked somebody I knew who knows how to locate people to try to FIND YOU FOR ME and this person said that she THOUGHT you MIGHT be living in Ohio with your sister Cindy. And this person gave me a few POSSIBLE addresses where I might be able to reach you.
II WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT for me to REACH YOU
Missy, remember back to our HIGH SCHOOL DAYS & the GOOD TIMES we had together. Do you remember HOW MUCH FUN we had—the laughter & the conversation & the affection we had for each other ? I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS FONDLY & I always remembered you fondly. We had a GREAT RELATIONSHIP up until that ONE FATEFUL NIGHT when I drove you home from a night out—and after sitting in the car for a while I drove up the driveway and one thing led to another and I was going into your house, down the stairs, & into the bedroom with you. DO YOU REMEMBER ? Of course you do ! Who could forget that FATEFUL MOMENT ?
Before re-telling what happened next let me TELL YOU HOW MUCH I RESPECTED YOU and what it meant for me to be with you. You know as well as I know that we had some intimate moments but we NEVER WENT TOO FAR and I believe both of us respected those limits knowing we were TOO YOUNG at the time to go too far. And even being in your bedroom I would have RESPECTED those limits & I KNEW, intuitively, that you did too.
This is WHY I now look back on that MOMENT as a SPIRITUAL MOMENT—somehow arranged by GOD that neither of us understood at the time as such, and maybe still NOT FULLY to this day, but I am becoming convinced of it, more & more, all the time. I’m sure you are familiar with Romeo & Juliet---and thankfully we are, or were, NOT as tragic as them, and thankfully you are STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times. Likewise, I am STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times.
Today, I can now speak of “THE NIGHT” but immediately after that particular evening I was very embarrassed all the more so because of the way your mother seemed to think I was a bad person (or so I thought). And I NEVER TOLD anybody about that night, until recently. Actually, I asked LDM if she knew what happened and I was surprised when she immediately remembered. And we did NOT speak the rest of that school year—perhaps you were embarrassed too, & then after high school I returned to California.
I remember being SO SURPRISED when you suddenly showed up at KNOTTS BERRY FARM with your mom & your sister (Cindy ?) and I was STILL TOO EMBARRASSED to talk with you, at least with your mom being there, & I am SORRY that I did not do so at the time. I TRULY did NOT know how to respond to, or resolve, the events that took place that night & so I just went SILENT, so to speak, & tried to DISTANCE MYSELF NOT from you but from that particular night.
And then I went to college, not just Calvin College, but a few semesters at other colleges, including Hawaii & Spain, & I also did some short-term mission work including Costa Rica & Philippines, & eventually ended up back Grand Rapids for more education at Calvin College from 1992 to 1994. At that point I had NO IDEA where you were & figured you had FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME.
III. AT the RESTAURANT by WOODLAND MALL
And so I was TAKEN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE when suddenly JACK HOLWERDA came to me and told me you wanted to MEET WITH ME. I was so excited to see you again, but he didn’t give me any idea what it was about, NOR did he inform you that MY MIND by that time was FAR AWAY from Grand Rapids & ready to get out of there again. I had NO REAL EMOTIONAL support in Grand Rapids anymore and was looking forward to completing my teaching degree & possibly going off to another country again.
WHEN I MET WITH YOU sometime in 1994 (??) I believe you were about ready to get married but you came to me with UTMOST SINCERITY I REALIZE NOW IN RETROSPECT and you were TRYING TO TELL ME that you STILL cared about me. And MISSY, PLEASE BELIEVE that I STILL CARED about you & always did, but at the time I was EMOTIONALLY FLAT & was NO LONGER in touch with my feelings toward you or anybody else. I had been through a few things myself at the time. Also, it would have BEEN BETTER if Jack had left us alone for a while.
And so it has been FIFTEEN YEARS since we had that very brief get together with Jack listening in and after leaving our little get together at the restaurant by Woodland Mall I finished my second bachelor’s degree & got my teaching degree & taught school for a few years here in California & YOU apparently went ahead and got married.
IV. TRAVELING WITH LOLA MY GOLDEN
FOR FOURTEEN YEARS
After TEACHING I left education & decided to go back for MY MASTERS-in-DIVINITY and ended up back in Grand Rapids for another year (1996-97), this time at Calvin Seminary, and then the next four or five years I spent at FULLER SEMINARY in Pasadena, California and have stayed around Southern California ever since then, while also traveling on a regular basis, especially with LOLA MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER for fourteen years until June of 2007 when she passed away.
V. DOING CHRISTIAN EVANGELISM,
& INSPIRATIONAL FILM
Also, while going through Fuller Seminary I started my own ministry, Mustard Seed Ministries & did a lot of traveling & street evangelism as well as FILMING & creating (or trying to) inspirational films and that is what I continue to do at the moment while also helping occasionally in public education.
VI MY RELATIONSHIPS & MY CURRENT STATUS
I’ve had a few relationships over the years, mostly brief & ending due to various circumstances, most of which had to do with logistics or unexpected circumstances but I REALIZE NOW that actually there was something either PSYCHOLOGICAL or SPIRITUAL happening that prevented me from maintaining meaningful relationships with any of these girls or starting new ones because I had NOT PROPERLY RESOLVED my relationship with YOU ! Our relationship had suddenly terminated under somewhat traumatic circumstances & it was NEVER PROPERLY RESOLVED and discussed, nor truly had the chance to resume under proper circumstances.
VII IS THIS THE TIME to MEET or CHAT & BE RECONCILED ?
And NOW IS OUR CHANCE to at least TALK with each other and FOR ME to do the right thing and address what happened & to be a gentleman & stand up for you, & to do what is right & be a good, Christian person as well as loving, human person. And I still have FEELINGS for you, & CARE for you, & ALWAYS DID ! Can we FINALLY MEET TOGETHER without any distractions? Or at least chat by e-mail at first ?
There are NO EXPECTATIONS . I have NO IDEA how you are feeling & doing EMOTIONALLY or SPIRITUALLY . All I heard is that you might have gotten divorced, but nobody really seems to know anything else or even if that is true. BELIEVE ME I am not judgmental & believe that whatever might have happened it certainly happened for a reason. Sometimes things change for a reason. You may feel hurt, you may feel relieved, you may feel free. You may feel confused. You may feel again or young again, or you may feel old. If you had children with this man maybe you have some feelings in regard to the children.
I DO NOT know how you are feeling or even if you have another relationship with somebody. ALL I KNOW is that I want to get together with you or at least, at first, chat by email or otherwise. DO YOU USE E-MAIL ? If so can you e-mail me at vanderKOK@GMAIL.com ? Or can you call me at 323-244-9883 ?
It is NOW MARCH of 2009 almost APRIL . Will we EVER SEE EACHOTHER or TALK to EACHOTHER again ? I HOPE SO. I PRAY SO. Please, MISSY, now is the time. I am HERE !
YOUR TRUE FRIEND FOREVER
(John) Philip A. (vander) KOK
Missy, I often go by “John” now and have also added “vander” to my name because of the culture here in Los Angeles.
Hello, how are you, the person I always cared for & still do?
I. re RECENT EVENTS :
Missy, I am writing to you now, the FIRST MOMENT possible since finding out where you potentially may be. I have been trying to write to you, or send a card to you, or stay in touch with you by mail over the years thinking you have been married all this time. In fact, the few times that I managed to drive through Michigan over the past few years I also tried to drive past your house in Muskegon, or at least wherever I thought you might live. I even dropped a Bible in your mailbox one time may years ago as I was starting my ministry. I hope you UNDERSTAND why I have TRIED to keep in touch. I have ALWAYS CARED about you & for you.
When we met WAY BACK in high school 25 YEARS AGO I immediately liked you & we immediately had a mutual attraction to each other, at least I thought so. We were YOUNG & we were enjoying each other’s company SO MUCH. I remember SO MANY GOOD TIMES with you: At the beach, in the car, double dating, out-and-about, with other friends too. We had the BEST OF TIMES !
1. LOSS OF A FRIEND: Rick Byle
Do you remember some of the friends we had ? How about Rick Byle ? Well, unfortunately, I regret to inform you (if you have not recently heard) that Rick died in a snowmobile accident just last month (Feb, 2009). In fact, it was because of Rick’s death that I noticed a few entries on his online obituary in the Grand Rapids Press & one of them was from LDM. Do you remember her ?
2. CONNECTING with LDM & ASKING HOW IS MISSY
Well, I exchanged a few emails with LDM and the FIRST THING I asked her even before we talked about Rick Byle was HOW IS MISSY ?! And after Rick’s funeral in Michigan (which I was NOT able to attend because I’m still in California & it just was not possible to go there) LDM responded to me and said she “thought” she heard you were divorced. I COULDN’T BELIEVE it. LDM did NOT know any more details than that—and didn’t even know for sure where you are now.
For the past few month I kept ASKING LDM by e-mail if she knew WHERE YOU ARE and she said she would try to find out but the only number she knew turned out to be your grandmother who gave her a phone number to try that was disconnected. Then LDM tried calling Amy & Amy said she would try to find out but as of March 24 I still did NOT have any better idea.
So I finally asked somebody I knew who knows how to locate people to try to FIND YOU FOR ME and this person said that she THOUGHT you MIGHT be living in Ohio with your sister Cindy. And this person gave me a few POSSIBLE addresses where I might be able to reach you.
II WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT for me to REACH YOU
Missy, remember back to our HIGH SCHOOL DAYS & the GOOD TIMES we had together. Do you remember HOW MUCH FUN we had—the laughter & the conversation & the affection we had for each other ? I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS FONDLY & I always remembered you fondly. We had a GREAT RELATIONSHIP up until that ONE FATEFUL NIGHT when I drove you home from a night out—and after sitting in the car for a while I drove up the driveway and one thing led to another and I was going into your house, down the stairs, & into the bedroom with you. DO YOU REMEMBER ? Of course you do ! Who could forget that FATEFUL MOMENT ?
Before re-telling what happened next let me TELL YOU HOW MUCH I RESPECTED YOU and what it meant for me to be with you. You know as well as I know that we had some intimate moments but we NEVER WENT TOO FAR and I believe both of us respected those limits knowing we were TOO YOUNG at the time to go too far. And even being in your bedroom I would have RESPECTED those limits & I KNEW, intuitively, that you did too.
This is WHY I now look back on that MOMENT as a SPIRITUAL MOMENT—somehow arranged by GOD that neither of us understood at the time as such, and maybe still NOT FULLY to this day, but I am becoming convinced of it, more & more, all the time. I’m sure you are familiar with Romeo & Juliet---and thankfully we are, or were, NOT as tragic as them, and thankfully you are STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times. Likewise, I am STILL ALIVE despite some hardships & difficult times.
Today, I can now speak of “THE NIGHT” but immediately after that particular evening I was very embarrassed all the more so because of the way your mother seemed to think I was a bad person (or so I thought). And I NEVER TOLD anybody about that night, until recently. Actually, I asked LDM if she knew what happened and I was surprised when she immediately remembered. And we did NOT speak the rest of that school year—perhaps you were embarrassed too, & then after high school I returned to California.
I remember being SO SURPRISED when you suddenly showed up at KNOTTS BERRY FARM with your mom & your sister (Cindy ?) and I was STILL TOO EMBARRASSED to talk with you, at least with your mom being there, & I am SORRY that I did not do so at the time. I TRULY did NOT know how to respond to, or resolve, the events that took place that night & so I just went SILENT, so to speak, & tried to DISTANCE MYSELF NOT from you but from that particular night.
And then I went to college, not just Calvin College, but a few semesters at other colleges, including Hawaii & Spain, & I also did some short-term mission work including Costa Rica & Philippines, & eventually ended up back Grand Rapids for more education at Calvin College from 1992 to 1994. At that point I had NO IDEA where you were & figured you had FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME.
III. AT the RESTAURANT by WOODLAND MALL
And so I was TAKEN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE when suddenly JACK HOLWERDA came to me and told me you wanted to MEET WITH ME. I was so excited to see you again, but he didn’t give me any idea what it was about, NOR did he inform you that MY MIND by that time was FAR AWAY from Grand Rapids & ready to get out of there again. I had NO REAL EMOTIONAL support in Grand Rapids anymore and was looking forward to completing my teaching degree & possibly going off to another country again.
WHEN I MET WITH YOU sometime in 1994 (??) I believe you were about ready to get married but you came to me with UTMOST SINCERITY I REALIZE NOW IN RETROSPECT and you were TRYING TO TELL ME that you STILL cared about me. And MISSY, PLEASE BELIEVE that I STILL CARED about you & always did, but at the time I was EMOTIONALLY FLAT & was NO LONGER in touch with my feelings toward you or anybody else. I had been through a few things myself at the time. Also, it would have BEEN BETTER if Jack had left us alone for a while.
And so it has been FIFTEEN YEARS since we had that very brief get together with Jack listening in and after leaving our little get together at the restaurant by Woodland Mall I finished my second bachelor’s degree & got my teaching degree & taught school for a few years here in California & YOU apparently went ahead and got married.
IV. TRAVELING WITH LOLA MY GOLDEN
FOR FOURTEEN YEARS
After TEACHING I left education & decided to go back for MY MASTERS-in-DIVINITY and ended up back in Grand Rapids for another year (1996-97), this time at Calvin Seminary, and then the next four or five years I spent at FULLER SEMINARY in Pasadena, California and have stayed around Southern California ever since then, while also traveling on a regular basis, especially with LOLA MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER for fourteen years until June of 2007 when she passed away.
V. DOING CHRISTIAN EVANGELISM,
& INSPIRATIONAL FILM
Also, while going through Fuller Seminary I started my own ministry, Mustard Seed Ministries & did a lot of traveling & street evangelism as well as FILMING & creating (or trying to) inspirational films and that is what I continue to do at the moment while also helping occasionally in public education.
VI MY RELATIONSHIPS & MY CURRENT STATUS
I’ve had a few relationships over the years, mostly brief & ending due to various circumstances, most of which had to do with logistics or unexpected circumstances but I REALIZE NOW that actually there was something either PSYCHOLOGICAL or SPIRITUAL happening that prevented me from maintaining meaningful relationships with any of these girls or starting new ones because I had NOT PROPERLY RESOLVED my relationship with YOU ! Our relationship had suddenly terminated under somewhat traumatic circumstances & it was NEVER PROPERLY RESOLVED and discussed, nor truly had the chance to resume under proper circumstances.
VII IS THIS THE TIME to MEET or CHAT & BE RECONCILED ?
And NOW IS OUR CHANCE to at least TALK with each other and FOR ME to do the right thing and address what happened & to be a gentleman & stand up for you, & to do what is right & be a good, Christian person as well as loving, human person. And I still have FEELINGS for you, & CARE for you, & ALWAYS DID ! Can we FINALLY MEET TOGETHER without any distractions? Or at least chat by e-mail at first ?
There are NO EXPECTATIONS . I have NO IDEA how you are feeling & doing EMOTIONALLY or SPIRITUALLY . All I heard is that you might have gotten divorced, but nobody really seems to know anything else or even if that is true. BELIEVE ME I am not judgmental & believe that whatever might have happened it certainly happened for a reason. Sometimes things change for a reason. You may feel hurt, you may feel relieved, you may feel free. You may feel confused. You may feel again or young again, or you may feel old. If you had children with this man maybe you have some feelings in regard to the children.
I DO NOT know how you are feeling or even if you have another relationship with somebody. ALL I KNOW is that I want to get together with you or at least, at first, chat by email or otherwise. DO YOU USE E-MAIL ? If so can you e-mail me at vanderKOK@GMAIL.com ? Or can you call me at 323-244-9883 ?
It is NOW MARCH of 2009 almost APRIL . Will we EVER SEE EACHOTHER or TALK to EACHOTHER again ? I HOPE SO. I PRAY SO. Please, MISSY, now is the time. I am HERE !
YOUR TRUE FRIEND FOREVER
(John) Philip A. (vander) KOK
Missy, I often go by “John” now and have also added “vander” to my name because of the culture here in Los Angeles.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
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